I can’t sleep still… All I can feel is the bitterness on my tongue from my stomach. My english is not good, guys, so bear with me… sometimes I would have to circle my thoughts 10x before I find the right word.. and still, not satisfied…
Anyway, what can I say…..
We had this choir practice tonight - a special choir gathered by different churches - lead by this very nice overtanned lady. I asked her if she would like to join the symphony audition-only choir that I am in… I enjoyed the moment of surprise she was in when she learned I belong there……then I went on and on praising how her voice was just beautiful and how she would really helped the group… She looked interested, and and I kept on talking about how strict some of the practices could be… about the joy of following the maestro’s all wishes… but then when we reached the door, she just waved and went out… and part of me longing for her to somehow stop and talk some more about it.. but it just didn’t happen.. and that made me crabby…
My overanalyzing mind went nuts thinking of the endless possibilities that I might have over crowded her, or that I might sounded boastful… or that she might think that she wouldn’t be able to get accepted… and all the other 100 reasons that she did NOT stop and talk to me about it some more…
Am I complicated enough?
I dont know why it’s so darn important that I leave people feeling happy and acting happy after they met and talked with me…. So i’m hoping after I am putting it in writing like this, I might actually got the chance to realize that I’m just being complicated… self conscious….and … vain.
